mereoamor (mereoamor) wrote,

I got the whole world in the palm of my hand, I could close my fist and make it crumble ridicolous or show the word the brand New Nemesis.

Last night. I got drunk, I did coke, I chilled with friends, danced to dodgy music, got down. I went back to a friends house, listned to music chilled out and then walked back 'home' in the rain . I sat on the door-step for two hours the rain pouring down my face my drunken thoughts running a drift paranoia and insecurity reigning free. but all I could do was grin. The era's ended. i got my answer, I got my closure. I'm free. Lets not back-peddal here, I was on the right track, but on the wrong train and its like that. I stumbled into the pub having spent ten minutes trying to get in.

There where five of us there and the conversastion was the usual old people deep shit, I embraced it took it at face value and from it all I learnt alot about it. What I valued the most was the reinforcement, drunkly I could state very bold statements which could land either way and they where reciveved and respected from five drunk men with experince of life, coming from diffrent backgrounds a man who's had three wifes, an ex boxer who's had two children shot, a man who's worked for the system all his life, a man who's so entangled with facts and being 'correct' that h e can't accept we're all incapable from first prncipal to have a subjctive view on life. It may of been drunken banter and even if they where just humoring me, It made me question myself and my motivation and it made me want to be so much more. It made me want to persue my happyness.

I won't be doing coke again.
I won't be getting that drunk
I won't be sitting on the door step in the rain
and I'll never be the same again

I can't be held responsiable.
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible.
She fell in love in the first place

It's amasing how perspective of songs changes based on cirumstance, I always listned to Dido's surrender.. and thought it was about someone who wouldn't give up fighting for someones love. But it isn't, its about someone who accepts the loss but will still always love the person and hopes theres some going back maybe ten, twenty years down the line but isn't holding there breath, they're not waiting for the other person. But they'll still always love them.

you may of heard you may of not Me and Belinda are over shes decided her husbands a better long-term option and so I'm bowing out gracefully.

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    see the months they dont matter its the days i can't take when the hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away,

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    I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words Are said too much They're not enough Whether I can or I can't, I'm going to chuck…

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